hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
