You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
