And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
