his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
