I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
high people should be assigned attendants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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