I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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