dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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