my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
