sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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