The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
