there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
