I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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