i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
