He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
