haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
