i barfeds in our rink
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hippo gnu deer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
