Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
