this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
