really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
