I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just cropdusted the office
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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