Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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