My friends, they love my intelligence
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
