In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
