Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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