God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
