my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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