Your tits are I can't wait for
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't deserve a penis
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
