hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.