quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube