I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.