is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
