direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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