Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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