walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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