I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
