Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
