you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
