I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
