Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
