I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
