I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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