Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize