I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
