I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
