ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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