So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
