i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
