If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
