My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
