I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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