Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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