just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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