K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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