Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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