you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
