Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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