If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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