meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
