Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
