How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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