Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
