roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
