please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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