do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
