They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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