You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
