Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
